Byline: MARY WINTER
Hillary Clinton sits cross-legged on the plush carpet of her White House office. She's wearing blue jeans, her hair's in a ponytail and Socks is at her side, busy licking his furry chest.
An aide drops off a speech, and the first lady issues a melodious 'Okey-dokey, artichokey!'
The president appears and gives her a peck on the cheek.
She beams.
'What's up, Buttercup?' Mrs. Clinton asks her main squeeze.
Is this the kind of behavior Americans want from a first lady?
I think it is.
At least, I think it's what they want from Hillary Clinton.
In two words, they want her to lighten up.
Mrs. Clinton's nosediving popularity has little to do with Whitewater or Travelgate. Her albatross is her goody-two-shoes, Harvard-educated, no-hair-out-of-place image.
The reason polls show 47% of Americans think she's a liar may be because she comes across as a bit cold and stuffy.
I think Mrs. Clinton's image needs a slight adjustment.
And given that over the years I've become somewhat of an expert at spotting others' flaws, I offer the following suggestions on how Mrs. Clinton might reverse those pesky popularity polls:
* Buy a red Porsche.
* Get caught sending slightly flirtatious e-mail to Norman Schwartzkopf.
* Rollerblade down Pennsylvania Avenue in a unitard on the next sunny afternoon.
Just think of the photo ops.
Recall how many times we've seen the president jogging, playing golf, going duck hunting.
Those events don't just happen. They're carefully orchestrated by Mr. Clinton's handlers so voters see what a 'regular' fella our man in the White House is.
What's good for for the goose is good for the gander. Mrs. Clinton should get involved in some kind of sport, and let the voting public see her in the act.
The more flab she shows, the better. Cellulite, not a Wellesley College degree, is what the rest of us can relate to.
* Become a Boy Scout leader.
* Pull out a Little Debbie snack cake at the next big press conference. Unwrap it, bite into it with gusto, and remark that croissants just don't cut it with you.
* Throw a 'Come as Phil Gramm' party at Camp David.
* Take a class in feng shui and fill the White House with red tulips.
* Learn topiary and mold White House bushes into busts of America's forefathers.
The point of such grand-standing activities, of course, is to draw attention to Mrs. Clinton's softer side, to her sense of whimsy and playfulness.
According to a Newsweek cover story, there is a 'goofy' side of Hillary Clinton that wears necklaces of blinky Christmas lights; that uses expressions such as 'Okey-dokey, artichokey' and genuinely enjoys making wreaths with Martha Stewart.
So break the mold, Mrs. Clinton.
You're neither Barbara Bush nor Nancy Reagan. You're a great role model for this generation of women, and millions, including me, admire you for blazing a thorny trail and for calling America on the carpet for neglecting its children.
Now, it's time to loosen your collar.
Okey-dokey, artichokey?
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